ENTROPONICS™

Yesterday’s Time — Today

Have you wished you could make more time for yourself? Now you can, with ENTROPONICS™.

The lab where entropon deceleration was first achieved, probably.

ENTROPONICS™ is a new therapeutic intervention that facilitates localized relative slowdowns of time.

Once thought impossible without approaching the speed of light, we have achieved deceleration of the subatomic particle responsible for the distribution of entropy across space-time — the undiscovered sixth boson, the entropon — to stave off the effects of biological aging and thermodynamic decline.

Our founder, Dr. Remontoire Ponderoso, first theorized the existence of the entropon in 1978 while contemplating the aging of his prizewinning rats. His groundbreaking research culminated in the invention of the entropon decelerator and the applied science of ENTROPONICS™ to bring the healing power of entropon suspension to the world.

THE ENTROPONICS™ EXPERIENCE

Here at ENTROPONICS RESEARCH, INC., we have developed a (relatively) portable deceleration chamber to bring entropon deceleration sessions to market safely and effectively.

To achieve maximally efficient deceleration concentrations within our current technical capabilities, the chamber space is limited and makes heavy use of reflective insulating material, and integrates an active helmet to prevent unintended effects on brain activity. We recognize that these precautions, while essential, can be uncomfortable, so the chamber has been thoughtfully outfitted with calming, natural materials, smells, and sounds.

A highly trained team will be on hand to guide your ENTROPONICS™ deceleration experience.

As you are sealed into the chamber, you will be given a biodegradable(?) hair net, easy-to-follow instructions for the interior control panel, and tips to stabilize your experience.

Once the session begins, clocks will begin to reflect chamber time falling behind normal time, due to the antithermodynamic effects of entropon deceleration.

Throughout the session, you will be carefully monitored for safety, quality assurance, and sentiment analysis.

When you feel the results have been satisfactory and/or overwhelming, press the user-friendly Stop button to halt deceleration. (This may also occur if the decelerator experiences a discontinuity or criticality event.)

The ENTROPONICS™ team will release you and assess your condition, after which your official time saved/spent figures will be certified, and you will be presented with a certificate and proof of completion.

PUBLIC DEMONSTRATIONS

Experience entropon deceleration for yourself at the next Holistic Quantum Activation Art Expo, arranged by the Starstuff Society of Philadelphia.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

HOW DOES IT WORK?
Entropons are captured in a base plate of prefabulated aluminite, surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two main spurving bearings were in a direct line with the pentametric fan.
NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, HOW DOES THE DECELERATOR WORK?
Arduinos and best intentions.
WHY DO ENTROPONICS™ STAFF WEAR TWO WATCHES?
We often create suspensions that are so localized that they affect our bodies unevenly, like frozen dinners in a microwave. The watches allow us to “see” the suspensions and know which arm has aged the most.
WHERE IS DR. PONDEROSO TODAY?
Unfortunately, he suffered a deceleration event that surpassed the entropon event horizon and is trapped inside a prototype decelerator. The rumors are not true that he simply refused to give anyone else a turn.
HOW CAN I CONTACT YOU? I HAVE NEEDS AND/OR CONCERNS.
Please get in touch via our colleagues at the Starstuff Society of Philadelphia.